“Comparison is the Thief of Joy”

In the years since my son was born, I find myself thinking that whomever quotes Teddy Roosevelt by stating that “Comparison is the Thief of Joy” must not have much going wrong in their lives, or something so heavy going on in their lives that it is always at the forefront of their mind and emotions. I get where people are coming from when they quote this, and the quote itself certainly does make sense. If you want to drive yourself crazy, compare yourself and your situation to others.

But then the other day,  a friend added me to a special needs specific Facebook support group, for parents of children with special needs. Upon visiting the page for the first time, I could immediately relate to a post by a mom who just needed to vent about her hard day and consequent big emotions. In a nutshell, she was recounting an experience from earlier in her day where she had been somewhere with her child who has significant special needs and is quite delayed, and she mentioned how hard it hit her that day (while watching other children her girl’s age) just how far behind her little one is, and how much it hurts. She also talked about how those feeling come in waves. Some days she is convinced that she has come to terms with it all, and then {BAM!} out of nowhere the feelings will blindside her as she is brought back to her own reality and sees how far behind her daughter is. It hurts a mama’s heart to the very core. I thought, “I’m right there with you, mama. I get it. I go through the same waves of emotion and hurt.” Then I opened up the comments and was flabbergasted to see how many people in this group (who should only be in there if they, too, have a child with special needs) immediately jumped in and told this mom that she should NEVER compare, and quoted the dear former president’s quote. I quickly went from a feeling of solidarity to wondering who the *f* are all these Righteous Ritas who are jumping in and telling this mom to stop feeling how she feels when she sees other kids her daughter’s age who are so much more advanced?! Maybe they have all reached some point of zen in the progression of what it means to be a special needs parent that I just haven’t reached yet, so I just don’t understand?? I will freely admit that I feel how that mama feels almost every time we go someplace that has children around my son’s age, and I have to watch as they walk, talk, feed themselves, interact with other children, show that they understand when their parents talk to them, etc, etc, etc. I don’t think parents of typical children will EVER know how much these simple interactions hurt my heart, but I would expect a FB room full of SN parents to “get it” and be a little more empathetic! I guess this is why some people say you should stay off of social media, too? Another thing that seems much easier said than done!

(Feature photo from Reddit.com.)